Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
