i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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