Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
