ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
