He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
