3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
