Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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