um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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