3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
