I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
