i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
