her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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