if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
