so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
