apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
