She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Too much gin, very little bucket
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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