Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
