we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
