puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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