You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
