walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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