what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
