People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize