i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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