You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize