I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
