my phone needs a breathalizer
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
