Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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