Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
