Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
