We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you didnt know i had herpes?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
