Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
