WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
