Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
