You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
