16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
