I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
