he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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