if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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