Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
