I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
