shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
