I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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