the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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