There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
