why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
