HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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