we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
