My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
