I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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