I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
