We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
