Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
