Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
