): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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