Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
