Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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