ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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