How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
