I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
