the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
