Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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