Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
