My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
