remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
