Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
