the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
