Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
