I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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