Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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