No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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