Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
