He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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