weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
