Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
