we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
