I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
