the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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