Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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