Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
