My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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