evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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