I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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