everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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