I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
