ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
