Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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