any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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