Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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