Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
