She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
