I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
