The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
