I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
