you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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