In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
