I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
